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Christmas jokes

Christmas jokesImagine the snow that cover the landscape. Every step you take you can hear the lovely sound of snow crunching under your shoes. Many love this time of year and you get in a certain mood. Christmas jokes are dedicated for this time of year, that many are waiting for.

  • While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
    The boy became very quiet.
    So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
    He promptly replied, “Another train.”
  • Don’t you hate that awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents!
  • What is said by one snowman to the other snowman?
    Answer: Can you smell carrot?



  • What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
    A puddle!
  • It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
    Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.
    Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
    “But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.
    Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
    Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”
    Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.
    “Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”
  • What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
    Saint Nickel-less.
  • What do you call an elf who sings?
    A wrapper!
  • The 4 stages of life:
    1. You believe in Santa Claus
    2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
    3. You dress up as Santa Claus
    4. You look like Santa Claus
  • Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
    Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
  • How do you know that Santa is a man?
    Answer: No woman wears the same attire every year.
  • Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
    Because of all the wrapping!
  • One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box 
of broken glass.
    He gave my brother a box of 
Band-Aids and said, “You two share.”
  • What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
    It’s Christmas, Eve!
  • I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  • Why is Christmas just like your job?
    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
    A Holly Davidson!
  • Why is Santa so jolly?
    Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
  • You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
  • Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
    He only comes once a year.
  • Great Christmas jokes

  • What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
    Sandy Clause!
  • What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
    A Merry Can (American).
  • What says Oh Oh Oh?
    Santa walking backwards!
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
    Snowballs.
  • What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
    Santa Paws!
  • I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying.
    “Toys not included.”
  • I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning.
    That way, I get to sleep in.
  • What nationality is Santa Claus?
    North Polish.
  • Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet?
    Because they are rain deer.
  • What does Santa do with fat elves?
    He sends them to an Elf Farm!
  • What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
    A rebel without a Claus.
  • What’s a good Christmas tip?
    Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.



  • What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
    Santa Clues!
  • For Christmas I want Santa’s list of naughty girls.
  • What did the sea Say to Santa?
    Nothing! It just waved!
  • How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
    He installs a parking meter on the roof.
  • Why does Santa have three gardens?
    So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
  • What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
    The elf-abet!
  • What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
    A Christmas Quacker!
  • Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
    Santa Jaws.
  • Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
    Because it ‘soots’ him!
  • What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
    Santa going through a revolving door!
  • What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?
    Idaho-ho-ho!
  • Where does Santa go when he’s sick?
    To the elf centre!
  • Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
    Elf-is Presley!
  • What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
    Subordinate clauses!
  • What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
    Claustrophobia!
  • Where do elves go to dance?
    Christmas Balls!
  • What did Santa say to the smoker?
    Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
  • What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
    Krisp Kringle!
  • Who is the king of Santa’s rock and roll helpers?
    Elfis! (Thank you, thank you very much!)
  • What do elves eat for breakfast?
    Frosted Flakes!
  • What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
    An elfcicle!
  • Who delivers presents to cats?
    Santa Paws!
  • What do you call a cat in the desert?
    Sandy Claws!
  • Who is Santa Claus married to?
    Mary Christmas!
  • What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?
    Platforms!
  • What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
    Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
  • Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
    They always drop their needles!
  • How long do a reindeers legs have to be?
    Long enough so they can touch the ground!



  • What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
    Horn-aments!
  • Did Rudolph go to school?
    No. He was Elf-taught!
  • Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?
    Rude-olph!
  • What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
    It got gobbled!
  • Why did the turkey cross the road?
    Because he wasn’t chicken!
  • Amazing christmas jokes

  • Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
    Because he was tied to the chicken!
  • What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears.
    Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
  • Why did the turkey join the band?
    Because it had the drumsticks!
  • Why did the turkey cross the road?
    Because it was the chicken’s day off!
  • When is a boat just like snow?
    When its adrift!
  • How do snowmen get around?
    They ride an icicle.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    Frostbite!
  • What do snowmen wear on their heads?
    Ice caps!
  • What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
    Freeze a jolly good fellow!
  • What do snowmen eat for lunch?
    Iceburgers!
  • What carol is heard in the desert?
    O camel ye faithful!
  • What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    It’s Christmas, Eve!
  • How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
    One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!
  • Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
    A mince spy!
  • What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
    Cross Mouse Cards!
  • How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
    The Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!
  • What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
    Tinsilitis!
  • How did Scrooge with the football game?
    The ghost of christmas passed!
  • What is the best xmas present in the world?
    A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
  • How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
    Fleece Navidad!
  • What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?
    Excemas!
  • What athlete is warmest in winter?
    A long jumper!
  • What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
    Nice gnawing you!
  • Why do ghosts live in the fridge?
    Because it’s cool!
  • What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
    A Mistle-toad!



  • What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
    ‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’
  • The last 15 Christmas jokes

  • Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
    They keep loosing their needles!
  • What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
    He got 25 days!
  • Where would you find chili beans?
    At the north pole!
  • What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
    Your teeth!
  • What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
    A pineapple!
  • What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
    You!
  • Why don’t penguins fly?
    Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots!
  • What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
    Jingle Smells!
  • What do you call a three legged donkey?
    A wonky donkey!
  • What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
    Mistle-toad!
  • What do sheep say at Christmas?
    Wool-tide Bleatings! or A Merry Christmas to Ewe!
  • What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
    Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
  • Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!
    Mom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!
  • Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
    Manger-ster United!
  • Santa went to the Doctors with a problem.
    Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”
    Santa: “I seem to have a mince pie stuck up my bottom!”
    Doctor: “Well your in luck because I’ve got just the cream for that!”

Christmas is a time when you have to celebrate not only each other but also life. Unfortunately, many associate Christmas with stress, Christmas gifts one have to buy, the food must be prepared and the home must be decorated. But when all this is over, you can really enjoy time with the family. Out and chop a tree or just buy it. Bring it home and decorate it as tradition. The food which has prepared in the kitchen is now ready and the family waiting eagerly. And then comes the time to share gifts. This time of year is especially magical for children, this experience will live with them the rest of their lives. And they will bring this tradition to their own family in the future. I made this list of Christmas jokes so you can relax a bit and get rid of all the stress. I’m going to add more jokes of the same genre.

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